An open letter to my roommate
Dear Heather,

I like you. I really like you. You're a much better roommate than I expected to get, but I'm still pretty sure Campus Lodge is full of shit when they claim to "roommate match." And I really don't want you going anywhere, and I really don't want anyone else moving in, but in the mean time, let's get a few things straight:

1. I don't care how you load the dishwasher at home because you don't unload it here. If you put the knives blade-up, I will eventually grab one and bleed all over your dishes.

2. It's one thing when I leave the dishes in the sink to soak for an hour. It's another thing when you "cook" on Sunday and I get back from campus on Tuesday to the same festering pot of water in the sink, blocking the drain. Accordingly, I will continue dumping Cocoa Crispie chocolate milk and half-full cans of soda into the mix until you have dealt with it.

3. I don't care if you use my blender. I just find it interesting that you said, "Hey, we used your blender, I hope you don't mind" when what you meant was "Hey, we used up the last of your drink mixes and pineapple rum, I hope you don't mind."

4. I'm really glad you cleaned over the weekend and all, but it does not change the fact that after doing said cleaning, you grilled something new to the surface of the stove. Please remove that ASAP. I don't clean what I cannot identify.

5. I've taken out the trash the last five times. It's your turn. It's really unfair when Matt ends up taking it out because he knows I will not cede the point and the kitchen is starting to stink.

6. Your room is about 15 feet from the sofa. Please have sex in there, not out here.

7. Yes, "that guy" slept over on Saturday, but correct me if I'm wrong, Patrick does so six nights out of seven. And yes, when you watched the iLife video I produced last year you did see "that guy." I did not just meet him. We've been friends for awhile actually. Try not to look stunned. But hey, maybe this is all the more reason to reference point the first (see above). Who knows what I'm carrying around with me?

8. I don't like musicals, and your top-of-your-lungs renditions of songs from Wicked are not helping.

9. If you need to use my printer, that's totally cool. But when you ask, don't ask to "print off something." Just come out with it and admit you need to print off 20 pages of forms for the pageant you're entering.

10. Patrick does not live here. That means his 6.7 pound jar of muscle enhancing supplement powder should not live on our counter. Just be glad I'm not angry about the fact he's taking steroids in the first place.

I'm sure I'm no peach to live with either, but at least I stay in my room most of the time.

Love,
Elle